Before I turned to taking photographs every day I used to draw every day and when I say drawing it was mostly just scribbles and experimenting with ideas.
Back in the later stages of my time with the Civil Service (early 2000s) I struggled to feel interested or inspired with pretty much everything, my ’emotional contract’ or Psychological Contract with my employer was at an all time low and in my personal life I found myself doubting the world I had built around myself.
I imagine that most people go through this at some point at least once.
As bad as it is to feel so dejected or unhappy there is a wee aside worth noting, inspiration hides in the strangest places.
It gave me a chance to question myself, to search inside and explore and since I was an ex-art student so I of course turned to drawing and painting to alleviate my worries.
I soon started to draw with my eyes closed and simply let my hand go while picturing the ideas in my head. I loved it because I had no idea how it would finally look but each element was visualised.
I started to do the same with famous paintings and initiated my ‘Master Copy’ series.
With the rule of chance mixed with a little bit of implied control I managed to free myself from the final image and experience pure creation without any concerns about the final product.
I would occasionally open my eyes and tie things up after the fact but it was a nice bit of relief after years of trying to draw ‘properly’ (below).
I don’t draw or paint anymore partially from burnout but more because I don’t have that burning fire of doubt I used to have.
Maybe one day it’ll come back so until then I’ll keep photographing …